His Final Thoughts
by Shadowflame611
Summary: What better time to brood on the possibilities then during a turtle's final moments?


_A/N: This fic is the first of the 'Short, angsty Writings' series- the one on Donatello. 'Short, Angsty Writings' is a project that I've been working on... four seperate angst fics (one for each of the boys) with one or two chapters apiece. _

_As of February 22, 2006 this fic has been edited for spelling errors. I didn't realize that there were so many words squashed together, without spacing..._

_Note that: _

_This fic is a one- shot. _

_There is a STRONG possibility of character death in this fic. Fair warning, right there. _

_The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do not belong to me. _

_There may be mild swearing in this fic._

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I've often wondered how it would end.

Would it… you know, hurt? Or would I just go? Out like a light and leave my heavy, earth-bound body behind as I soar to the heavens…

Would I die with honor, or will I die the pitiful death of a traitor?

I find it ironic that just the other night, it was these thoughts that echoed through my mind before I drifted off to sleep. But it's not like that was the first time I thought about death, how it would all end. It's just… this time was different. Little did I know that just a few days later, I'd be getting the answer to my question.

There are so many possibilities… so many ways to die. And yet, as I went over what I thought could be every possible way, (even on paper, with the calculations and everything) I _never _saw this coming. Not in my life.

I guess now that I'm on the subject, I should run through the list. I need to keep my mind off of things, anyway. 'Things' like the rate that my blood is pumping out of my broken body.

What if I had fallen off of a building? That was possible, considering the fact that that's the way my brothers and I travel these days. It was just a simple matter of a foot slipping at the wrong time, and death would come to greet me… or rather, the asphalt street would.

And of course there is Shredder. One single flash of his blade could give you a third hole to breath through, right across your windpipe. Thank God _that's _not how it's ending.

If anyone were to read my thoughts right now, I think I know what they would be thinking: 'this guy has way too much time on his hands… I mean, c'mon, who thinks about their death?'

Hey, it's not like I _like _thinking about it! Believe me, I'd rather be doing something less… depressing. Like fixing the toaster after its latest encounter with Casey. But still, the mind wanders...

Health problems. Disease brings up so many possibilities… cancer being one of diseases I considered the most. Then there are the ones that people live with every day: viral and bacterial infections. Amazing how I managed to escape those, since I live in a breeding ground for that type of things. But... maybe, since I have lived in the sewer all of my life, then my immune system has developed strong antibodies.

Antibodies or no, soon it will no longer matter.

I could have committed seppuku. You know, suicide. Though I had no reason to do that, or even consider it. Now, in my last moments, I realize that I have the greatest, most loving family in the world…

I can't believe I abused them like that. God, I'm so sorry… I want to cry out to my brothers. I don't want them to find me like this…if they find me at all. I don't know what would be worse for them, finding me or _not _finding me...

I… I want to apologize before I go. Do I really have to die with my sin? This must be some sort of punishment...

I could have died from poisoning. Like drinking poisoned wine or something… I don't know how I'd get the wine to begin with, but, as Mikey would always say: 'Dude... are you blind?That's what happens in all the movies!'…Respectively, I must have told him at _least _two thousand times that life in the movies is much different than real life.

Then there was the small hope of dying of old age. You know, in my sleep. Chyeah, right. I'm more likely to meet my end with the blade of my brother's katana then old age, and Leo wouldn't be caught dead doing something like that. That is, unless I was a danger to our family as a whole. Then and only then would he even _consider _it.

Right, back to my list.

There's drowning. Never really put much thought into that, being a turtle and all. I can hold my breath for quite a while.

And here's the really scary one that I was determined to find the answer to: Would the mutagen eventually kill us? I mean, if it was the thing that made us what- no, not what..._who _we are today, then couldn't the process reverse? I was so determined to find out that I started a number of tests. Some of them took only a few weeks, many of them took or would take months. I never did finish running some of those tests through… I wonder if I had found something. Maybe, if I had found a glitch, I could have saved my brothers and sensei a world of pain, suffering, and death...

The numbness is spreading … everything is so cold…I can't help but notice my thoughts are slowing down. Kindof like someone's thoughts get before they fall asleep- foggy and irregular.It this what it is like to die, alone and cold on the side of the street? I'd rather be unconscious then to die this way… oh well, its not like I can do anything to help that now.

Suddenly I feel like I'm being lifted. Am I finally passing on? Is this what it feels like to separate from your body? … No. It's my baby brother. I know I should feel happy, that now I have the chance to apologize, but at the same time I don't want him to see me like this. I wish that I could just... cover myself up and dissappear.Oh, dear God, why did Mikey have to be the one to find me?

I can barely see him with my blurred vision as he picks up my head, noticing the blood that seeps from… I really don't know where it's all coming from. Hell, there's so much of it, I have trouble believing that it's all mine... I lock my wavering gaze on Mike's face. I watch as his eyes widen in shock, and then fill up once he notices the extent of the damage. The terrified look on his face reminds me of what had happened only a few hours ago…

_I had stormed out of the lair in a rage. I can't remember what caused it… all I really remember now was the screaming. Screaming at them all until the point where my throat became raw and I tasted blood for the first time this evening._

Now, as I lay here dying, that awful, metallic taste seems to fill every nook and cranny of my mouth. I want to gag, to spit it out, but I can't…

_I remember their faces just before I left… Raph, who had almost matched me in my screaming, was glaring at me with sparks of white hot anger flying from his eyes. Master Splinter, his ears flat as he shook his head at me in disappointment. Leo, who was previously containing Raph, gaped at me. No doubt he was completely thrown off by my outburst. And then there was Mike, who was on the floor in front of me, shell against the kitchen stove and eyes welling with tears. I've never seen that look of his directed at me before. I think I scared him._

But why was he here now? He must have followed me to where I got hit. Wait..I got hit? How? Where?

I had been balancing on the head of a lamp post when it just…snapped. I fell onto the street and looked up just in time to see the headlights of a huge truck before it it me… I have no idea how I'm still conscious. Maybe the majority of the damage was done to my lower half...

I pray that Mike didn't see the collision.

He must have followed my trail of blood that I had left behind like some deranged snail as I dragged myself out of the road. I was lucky, no human followed. The truck driver must have thought I was just another animal victim of road kill.

A particularly large, humanoid animal at that. Shows just how ignorant humans can be.

I snap back into what could be called reality as a drop of liquid falls onto my cheek… was it beginning to rain? No, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was Mike, crying shamelessly as he held me close to his plastron, rocking back and forth slowly. He was mumbling something over and over… it took a few moments for me to be able to comprehend what he was saying.

"I'm sorry. Donnie, I-I didn't mean to …"

Alarm bells went off in my head. No, no… This was all wrong. I should be apologizing, not him! I open my mouth to speak, but the blood thickly coats my throat. Desperately, I try again.

"Mmikey…" Mike jumped slightly at the sound of my voice and swallowed hard, fighting a loosing battle to compose himself as he looked down at me.

"Hey, bro." He said gently, taking hold of my hand.

"I need to t-tell you…" I paused and spat out blood. It dribbled down my chin.Crap. If I was going to get through with this, I needed to use as little words as possible… "I sorry. Tell… everybody that for me." I gasped as pain suddenly raked my whole body, starting in my chest and spreading through my veins like white fire. Mike looked down at me, the tiny rivulets running down his cheeks now changing into mini rapids of grief.

"No… Donnie, no." He begged me quietly, tightening his grip on my hand as though he was holding on to my soul, delaying its passing. So pleading was the look on his face that if I had the strength to, I would have cried as well. But I needed to save my energy.

"…Take my body away from here." He looked at me, slightly puzzled. I opened my mouth to explain, but only accomplished giving him a strangled croak and a pleading look… It was my duty to protect my family as much as I could, and I feared that if my body was found they would track them down. "Please," I pleaded, and he stared into my eyes, as though seeking the reason why. Finally, he nodded.

Breathing was becoming a real project now. My time was almost here. I only had one more thing to tell him… "It's n-not your fault. It's n-nobody's fault." He sniffs loudly and pulls me up so that our foreheads are touching. Pain explodes once again through my body at the sudden movement, but I tolerate it for Mikey as he sobs brokenly.

Then edges of my vision turned white, then black as the image of Michelangelo's plastron was slowly swallowed up in the darkness. He must have noticed me going limp, because just before I released my death sigh, the last words that I would ever hear echoed through my fading mind. Words that I will carry to the gateway of Heaven and beyond.

"I love you, bro."

So… this is how it ends.


End file.
